he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
