mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
bring money and cleavage
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
