he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to fling myself into the sun
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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