Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize