you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her