When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it because I queefed?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.