I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.