hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis