Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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