Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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