I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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