Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
