what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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