These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
