Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
