I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We smell like vodka and hangover
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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