Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize