Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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