you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
