my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
