You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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