I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
