Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the condom got lost in my hair
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
