Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
