I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
