I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
