I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
