No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
