They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
