so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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