officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
