i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
