I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
