all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
