Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
