Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize