I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
