If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
