it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize