Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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