I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
