Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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