i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
