Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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