Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
