I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
