piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
