"it" just moved
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
