We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize