he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
