it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
