you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
