Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
