Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
