if you like me you must not know who I am
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
