Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
