My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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