Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
