he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
