Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
