he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
