i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
