How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize