I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize