Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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