i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
