Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
