you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
